Japan's Funniest Home Videos
by ski angel
Summary: An evil Eriol has concocted a plan! it has to do with Tomoyo, home videos, contests, and annoying the hell out of a certain Syaoran Li. Put 'em altogether and you've got chaos!
1. In which Eriol gets a VERY evil plan

Japan's Funniest Home Videos!

Disclaimer: If I wrote CCS, why would I be here? And why would eriol get stuck with kaho?

Chapter the First: In Which Eriol Gets A VERY EVIL Plan…

Eriol Hiiragizawa loved torturing Syaoran. He was such easy prey! It was like shooting a fish in a barrel! He never needed any new victims as long as Syaoran was around.

Even now as he lounged in his lovely living room while watching T.V., he was formulating a plan.

It all started with the commercial…

"JAPAN'S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEOS! ENTER ANY HOME MADE VIDEO NOW AND YOU MAY WIN THE CHANCE TO GO TO A LOVELY BEACH HOTEL AND RESORT IN HAWAII! ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS SEND YOUR VIDEO WITH YOUR NAME, ADDRESS, AND PHONE NUMBER TO THE ADDRESS ON THE SCREEN!"

What Eriol read on the screen

_Japan's Funniest Videos_

_2112 Baka Street_

_Tokyo, Japan 123456_

Eriol grinned as he wrote down all the information onto a notepad. He then steepled his hands and began laughing like a maniac.

And that was when the trouble started.

* * *

hehe! i have great plans for this one! steeples hands muhwahwahwahwahwa! 

sugar highly,

ski angel


	2. In Which Tomoyo And Eriol Laugh Scarily

Chapter the Second: In Which Tomoyo and Eriol Laugh Scarily And Syaoran Gets the Strong Feeling That He Should Move To Borneo

Tomoyo had been drawing when she heard the door bell ring. When she opened the door, she let in a very mischievous looking Eriol.

"Hello, Daidouji-san. I was watching T.V. when I saw something very interesting. There appears to be a contest where you can send in your own home made videos…" He trailed off suggestively. Tomoyo grew starry-eyed.

"Really! Ooh…what should I send in? The video where Syaoran was talking to the tree and practicing admitting his love for Sakura? Or the one where Syaoran and Touya were fighting? Or the one with the picnic-" Eriol grinned evilly. His plan was going so well. "-or maybe I should send in the one where you locked Syaoran in a lingerie shop!" Eriol cut Tomoyo off.

"How about you make an entirely new video made especially for this cause? I heard that Syaoran is mustering up his courage to ask a certain someone out…" Eriol grinned. Tomoyo grinned back. They grinned at the narrator of the story who began sweatdropping. And…they laughed like utter maniacs.

* * *

Meanwhile…

Syaoran sneezed. "Are you alright?" Sakura asked.

"I'm fine…Have you ever got that weird feeling that someone's talking about you and that for your own safety you should get plastic surgery and run and hide in Borneo?"

"All the time, Syaoran-kun, all the time."


	3. In Which Dresses and Plans are made

Chapter the Third: In Which Dresses And Plans Are Made And Sakura Gets the Strong Feeling That She Should Move To Borneo

Tomoyo twirled around in her room holding several dresses at once, dreaming of how they would look on her beloved cousin (although not loved enough that Tomoyo wouldn't tease her love interest and embarrass him, causing Sakura to be embarrassed as well because her brother just has to ask, "This is the stupid gaki that you like so much?").

Eriol wasn't particularily listening to Tomoyo's insane ramblings. He was sitting down on Tomoyo's chair writing down his twisted plans, dreaming of the reactions of his beloved descendant (although not loved enough that Eriol wouldn't humiliate him every chance he could). He had just finished making his 100th plan (how he was going to fit all of them into one small date he hadn't quite figured out yet) when he decided to open his ears again. It was a good thing too.

"And Sakura can wear a cute pink dress and Syaoran can wear a nice suit! And I'll wear my black stake out clothes so that I'll look professional and you can wear some new dark blue robes so that you look like the evil magician! I even have some pre-made sketches!"

At this, Eriol grew very scared. He laughed nervously. "I'm not even the one going on the date! How about I get a last minute job as waiter so I can blend into the crowd? That way we can focus more on what Sakura can wear! We want our lovely cherry blossom to look her best, don't we?"

Tomoyo thought for awhile. "That works too." Eriol wiped his forehead and gave a sigh of relief. "Say Eriol, how do you think this one will look on Sakura? Or this one? Or how about this one? Well?"

* * *

Meanwhile…

Sakura was washing the dishes while Touya dried them. Sakura sneezed. "Are you alright Kaijuu?" Touya asked.

"I'm okay…Have you ever got that weird feeling that someone's talking about you and that for your own safety you should get plastic surgery and run and hide in Borneo?"

Touya shuddered, remembering a certain energetic being named Nakuru. "All the time, Kaijuu, all the time."

* * *

At the Same Time... 

Meilin smiled. Here she was on a plane to Japan. She couldn't wait to see Tomoyo again. Then she could go back to 'helping' Syaoran express his feelings for Sakura (Meilin's idea of helping involved tying Syaoran to a tree with duct tape and pinning a sign to his shirt that said "I love Sakura!" on it, or sticking him inside a box on Christmas and giving him to Sakura, but he escaped both times). She couldn't wait to team up with Tomoyo. She couldn't wait for all the fun she'd have 'playing' with her cousin! Meling made a high pitched giggle that scared all of the people on the plane.


	4. In Which Meiling Returns

Chapter the Fourth: In Which Meiling Returns and Resolves to Aid Tomoyo and Eriol in Their Quest

Long time ago, in a faraway land, there lived a happy couple. Their names were Sakura and Syaoran. They never ever turned beet red and that was because they lived faraway from all civilization, including the reincarnate of a magician, a singer/designer/best friend, a **_C_**razy **_C_**hinese **_C_**ousin, and a tap-dancing Mr. Peanut. Not!

What really happened was this:

"SYAO-CHAN!" Syaoran froze. He knew that voice. It was the voice of… "IT'S ME, MEILING!" At that very moment, Syaoran ran as if the devil and his army of monsters and demons were running after him.

"Wait a minute… I'm faster than her. So why the hell is she gaining?" Syaoran looked backwards to get a better look. "OH JEEZ! SHE'S WEARING CLEATS!" With this in mind, Syaoran began running faster than ever. But what he didn't know was that Eriol had bought some string. And as we all know, string can have many purposes like being tied between two trees in a park so that it'll trip people who are too busy running for their lives to notice the fine thread that's been put up by evil reincarnates of powerful magicians.

"AAAAAAAAAAA!" Syaoran saw the string just in time and did a spectacular jump that saved him from that piece of string. However, just when he was about to land, his foot caught on another piece of string. He did a magnificent fall and landed in mud.

"Ohohoho!" Syaoran wiped off the mud on his face to see a video camera in his face. "That was so cool Syaoran-kun! Although I do think you should get a stunt double pretty soon. These accidents that you have are getting progressively more dangerous."

"_**SYAO-CHAN!"**_

Syaoran immediately got up. "Out of my way, Daidouji!" He got up and…

He fell again. "What the hell," he swore.

"Oh, Syaoran. Please don't swear while you're on tape."

"Or surrounded by it either," Eriol's voice piped up. Syaoran looked at his feet and saw they were tied together with duct tape.

"SYAO-CHAN!" Meiling's voice rang out.

_Oh no, I'm too young to die_, Syaoran thought.

"So, my dear cousin, have you done _it_ with Sakura yet?" Meiling grinned evilly as Syaoran grew bright red.

"Ohohoho!" The last thing Syaoran heard was Tomoyo's laughter before he blacked out.

When Syaoran came to, he was trussed up like a chicken in a dingy basement with only one light hanging from the ceiling. 

"He's awake!" Meiling yelled.

"We're right here you know. No need to yell."

"Oh. _He's awake,_" Meiling whispered.

"We know."

"So what are we going to do?"

"What we always do."

"Plot world domination?"

"The other thing we always do."

"Oh…" Meiling smiled. "Embarrass Syaoran in front of Sakura."

"Ohohoho."

"Nyek nyek nyek."

"Eriol, you're starting to scare me. What the hell is 'nyek nyek nyek'? And Tomoyo, if you plan to laugh like an insane maniac you should laugh like so. **_MUHWAHWAHWAHWAHWA_**!"

"Wow. That was really great. Do it again so I can record you!"

"Um… Su-"

"PEOPLE!"

"Yes, Hiiragizawa-kun?"

"Syaoran?"

"What about the prisoner?"

"I'M NOT A PRISONER."

"Gag him."

"What? AAA-"

"That's better."

"Now what should we do with my cute little descendant?"

"Well, I still have my luggage and I have rolls of toilet paper."

"Toilet paper? Brilliant thinking."

"I always like to think ahead."

"You're so smart."

"Excuse me, but if you girls are finished talking can you get the toilet paper?"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Mmmph!"

"…Um…"

"What?"

"I can't find it…"

"What do you mean?"

"I can't find it."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Mmmph!"

"Well, no wonder. The inside of your bag is a jungle!"

"Now, now Eriol-kun. Be nice."

"You know what? I'll get the toilet paper myself, okay? Now don't mess up my basement while I'm gone."

"Hai, Hiiragizawa-kun."

"…"

"…"

"Mmmph!"

"Hey Tomoyo, wanna start a fire."

"…"

"…"

"Mmmph!"

"…No…"

"I'm back!"

"Oooh. Toilet paper. So what are we going to do with it?"

"Well… all good presents are nicely wrapped…"

"MUHWAHWAHWAHWAHWA!"

"Ohohoho. You guys can wrap him up while I find a big box and video tape. After all, if Syaoran escapes again, we can always show Sakura the tape."

"Nyek nyek nyek."

"Wait. We want Syaoran to be presentable don't we?"

"So?"

"So this outfit won't do, if you know what I mean."

"Wait! I have the new and improved princess costume from Sleeping Beauty!"

"New and improved?"

"More pink, frills, lace, and blonde."

"Eriol, we're going to leave while you…er… change him."

"Have a nice time!"

"Sorry my kawaii little descendant."

"MMMPPPHH!" (Translation: HEEEEEEEELLLLLLLPPPPP!)

"He's ready to be wrapped!"

"Ohohoho!"

"Isn't my descendant so kawaii?"

"Hai!"

"Muhwahwahwahwahwahwa!"

"Wrap a boy, wrap a boy, wrap a boy!"

"That sounded just weird coming out of you, Hiiragizawa-kun."

"I agree with Tomoyo-chan."

"Fine then. Take all the fun out of things."

"DONE!"

"Now to roll him into the box."

"HEAVE!"

"Ho!"

"Heave!"

"Ho!"

"Ohohoho!"

"Wow. That was good exercise."

"Who knew toilet paper could weigh so much?"

"Well, considering how much you put around him…"

"Let's choose the wrapping paper for the box."

"I like the pink one with the red hearts that have 'I Love You' written on them."

"Good choice Daidouji-san."

"Thank you."

"When you two are done flirting, can you give me a hand? I can't get the stupid paper on!"

"We are NOT flirting."

"And yes, we'll help you."

"Now for the ribbon."

"Since we're having a Valentine's Day sort of theme, why not red?"

"Okay!"

"And make it curl at the ends!"

"Okay!"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Mmmph."

"That is one huge bow."

"That is one huge box."

"This is one funny video."

"And now to transport it to the Kinomoto residence."

"Oh Lord."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Mmmph."

"Here we are."

"Finally."

"Ring the door bell, quick!"

"Run!"

"Into the bushes!"

"I already am!"

"Shut up!"

"Okay, okay, jeez!"

"To Sakura Kinomoto. KAIJUU! You got a present!"

"Really?"

"Yeah!"

"Hoe! It's huge! Guess I'll have to unwrap it out here!"

Syaoran began to grow scared. Very scared. Light began pouring into the box as it opened. The toilet paper was ripped off and…

He awoke in his bed. "Whoa… what a nightmare! I'm so glad that was just a dream. I need to calm down." 

Syaoran got dressed and went to the park. He was walking along, minding his own business when he heard a very familiar voice yell, "SYAO-CHAN!" He began running for all it was worth when he realized Meiling was catching up to him.

"Wait a minute… I'm faster than her. So why the hell is she gaining?"Syaoran looked back to get a closer look. "OH JEEZ! SHE'S WEARING CLEATS!"

He began running even faster when he noticed some string in his path. He jumped just in time but tripped on another piece of thread just as he was about to land. He fell into the mud.

"Ohohoho!" Syaoran wiped the mud off his face to see a video camera in his face. "That was so cool Syaoran! Although I do think you should get a stunt double pretty soon. These accidents that you have are getting progressively more dangerous."

"SYAO-CHAN!"

Syaoran immediately got up. "Out of my way, Daidouji!" He got up and…

He fell again. "What the hell," he swore.

"Oh, Syaoran. Please don't swear while you're on tape."

"Or surrounded by it either," Eriol's voice piped up.

Syaoran looked at his feet and saw they were tied together with duct tape. "SYAO-CHAN!" Meiling's voice rang out. _Oh no, It's just like my dream_, Syaoran thought.

"So, my dear cousin, have you done _it_ with Sakura yet?" Meiling grinned evilly as Syaoran grew bright red.

"Ohohoho!" The last thing Syaoran heard was Tomoyo's laughter before he blacked out.

When Syaoran regained consciousness…

What do _you_ think happened next?


	5. In Which There are Giant Chickens

Chapter the Fifth: In Which Syaoran Starts Losing His Mind All Because of Giant Chickens

"_This_ is your brilliant idea?"

"Yups! Tomoyo helped me with it."

"When I said to make up an evil plan, this was NOT what I had in mind."

"Well, what you had in mind can go to hell, Eriol. This is my plan and I'm sticking with it."

"Tomoyo, talk to her!"

"Why? I like it. Besides, it took me a LONG time to make that thing and I'm not letting my work go to waste."

"Fine. Say we stick with your plan. Whose going to wear that hideous thing?"

"Er…"

"Well, Tomoyo?"

"Well…"

"Oh no. I'm not doing it."

"Oh yes, you are!"

"STAY AWAY FROM ME YOU CRAZY CHINESE DELINQUENT!"

"What did you call me? Take that! And that!"

"Tomoyo, HELP!"

"I'm sorry Eriol."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

* * *

Syaoran Li had twigs in his hair, mud on his shirt, and grass stains all over him but he didn't care. Normally he would have tried to look his absolute best when going to meet his lovely cherry blossom but these were not normal times. These were times when a man had to put his courage away in a nice small closet and cower in fear while sneaking stealthily out of his own house in order to hide from three insane maniacs that were out for his blood. Or at least, his utter humiliation and embarrassment. 

"SYAO-CHAN!" A Chinese girl leaped out from behind a bush causing Syaoran to swear and make a run for it. If it had been any other person, Syaoran would have most certainly stood his ground. After all, he was a man! But even a man must be given leeway to scream like dying chicken and run as if the devil was chasing him. "SYAORAN! WAIT UP! LET'S GO TO SCHOOL TOGETHER!"

"THERE'S NO WAY IN HELL I'M GOING TO DO THAT!" Syaoran screamed as he turned the corner and bumped into….

A gigantic feathery chicken wearing a big red cape stepped in front of him.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Syaoran screamed. Then the chicken smirked and disappeared.

"What's the matter, Syaoran?" Meiling yelled in an earth shattering voice right into Syaoran's ear.

"Didn't you see it?"

"See what?"

"You know. That giant- Nevermind."

"Okay, Syaoran." Meiling grabbed Syaoran's hand and pulled him along to school. Syaoran looked behind his shoulder and saw that giant chicken waving his wing at him. He screamed.

* * *

"Yes! That stupid Hiiragizawa isn't here today!" Syaoran whooped as he entered the classroom. Everybody was looking at him because he was laughing maniacally in the door way so Syaoran was the only one looking out the window. He was the only one that saw a giant chicken flying outside the window. He screamed.

* * *

"So what does _x_ equal," their cheerful math teacher asked. Syaoran raised his hand. Math was so boring when you were as smart as he was but he needed to divert the teacher's attention away from his beloved but utterly confused cherry blossom. 

"Yes?" The teacher looked at Syaoran. Syaoran smirked confidently.

"Two hundred fifty-" Syaoran froze as he saw a giant chicken floating outside the window.

"Two hundred fifty?" The teacher prompted him, worried. After all, Syaoran was one of the best students in the classroom and when one of the only students that will probably bring you glory as his teacher turns a ghastly pale white, you should worry.

"Giant chickens," Syaoran whispered in fear before fainting.

* * *

It was English class. They had a vocabulary list on the board. Syaoran was writing down the words when he came to the last word. 

"Giant chicken! What the fuck?" Syaoran blinked, rubbed his eyes, and looked again. Now there was a little picture of a chicken next to it.

"What's the matter, Syaoran-kun?" Sakura looked at him in concern.

"Don't you see it?"

"See what?" Syaoran looked again. There was no longer the words "Giant chicken" written on the board or a picture of a giant chicken. There was only the word, "innocent" written on it in its place.

"Nevermind." Syaoran shuddered as he looked out the window.

* * *

Throughout the day, Syaoran saw traces of the mysterious giant chicken everywhere he looked. The worst was when he was in music class. He had been singing with great concentration when he was the only the person to look up from his music and at the teacher. Behind the music teacher was the giant chicken _tap-dancing_. Syaoran had choked on his own spit and had to be thumped on the back quite hard.

* * *

"Uh, Syaoran-kun?" Sakura placed a hand timidly on Syaoran. He had been acting so strange all day, even stranger than Tomoyo on the rag. 

"GIANT CHICKENS!" Syaoran yelled hysterically. He laughed nervously. "Gomen, Sakura. What did you want to tell me?"

"There's a new restaurant in town and I want to try its food after school."

"So you want me to go with you, is that it?"

"Exactly! Will you?"

"Of course."

"Arigato, Syaoran-kun! See you after school!" Sakura kissed Syaoran on the cheek. He turned blushed and turned red with embarrassment. His embarrassment changed to rage when a giant yellow feather fell from the sky.

"WHAT GIVES?"

* * *

"Syaoran-kun!" Sakura ran out of the classroom as soon as the bell rang signaling the end of school. "I'm so happy I can be with you." Syaoran smiled at her and held her hand. 

"I'm glad-" Syaoran's eyes bulged out of their sockets as he saw a giant chicken and he swore.

"What's the matter," Sakura asked.

"Nothing, nothing. Let's go." Syaoran helped Sakura into his car and drove away with her, all the while muttering something about giant chickens.

* * *

"There's the restaurant!" Sakura spoke excitedly. "Tomoyo-chan said the food is really good." Syaoran grunted in response, preoccupied with parking his nice car in the small parking stall. When he finished parking, he and Sakura exited the car and Syaoran stared at the restaurant's big flashing sign. 

"See, it's called 'The Chicken Coop'! Isn't that such a cute name," Sakura asked Syaoran but he wasn't listening. He was too busy staring at the feathery giant chicken wearing a red cape and tap-dancing in front of the store.

"Giant chickens," he whispered before turning a ghastly pale white and fainting.

Later that day, a feathery giant chicken with a red cape walked into a large house. It plopped into its arm chair and took off its head to reveal the young reincarnate of Clow Reed.

"That was worth it." Eriol grinned.

* * *

been awhile since i worked on this story. i did this all in one day. that's something. usually it takes me weeks because i'm so lazy. i was at a friend's house when i wrote this. haha. giant chickens. I just said that so randomly while i was at her house. and it sort of evolved into this. i really need mental help. 

ja, ski angel.


End file.
